BarbetteSpitler.com

Holistic Health & Wellness Coach

Ancient Wisdom – Always Relevant

ho'oponopono heart
There is much wisdom in ancient teachings.
     As I spend more and more time and energy reaching out to those in need or helping others reach for the stars, I am also presented with opportunities to learn from the teachings of the ancient elders.
     Mother Teresa is one of those who carried forward the teachings of the ancients into current time.  She taught us the true meaning of love and service.  She inspires me.  Gandhi taught us to “Be the change we wish to see.”   Wayne Dyer taught us to take responsibility for our own thoughts, actions and reactions.  I could go on and on.  Each of these wise teachers are reminding us of the wisdom of the elders.  It’s not new news.  It’s all ancient teachings.  But who brings them forward?
     Another great ancient teaching is the Hawaiian Healing Prayer,  Ho’Oponopono. It means – to make right.   It’s so simple it’s difficult for our ego mind to believe it could possible work to help heal anything.  Yet, it does. From injuries to relationships!  It’s like a miracle worker.  Why?  Because it combines the power of love and forgiveness.  There are only four steps.  They are laid out in four simple statements which connect to deeply held beliefs or emotions.
     Step One:  Acknowledge and Repentance.  I AM SORRY.  We are completely and totally responsible for our actions and reactions!  We choose them.  You may be sorry for being angry or for hurting someone’s feelings. You may be sorry you gained weight or were careless and hurt yourself.  The list goes on and on.  Even if you are not quite sure if you are “sorry” for something, say it anyway and see what happens.
     Step Two: Ask forgiveness.  PLEASE FORGIVE ME.  You are not necessarily asking this of another human.  Ask it from Spirit.  Ask for forgiveness from yourself… for yourself.  Try it!  See what it feels like to be in this very vulnerable state.  It’s amazing! (And it gets easier with practice.)
     Step Three:  Gratitude.  THANK YOU.  Again, this is not about going to another human and expressing the gratitude.  Express gratitude to yourself for yourself.  Just say it!  Thank Spirit.  It doesn’t matter to whom… just express the gratitude! Say Thank You!
     Step Four:  Love.  I LOVE YOU.   Share the love. Love for yourself.  Love for others.  Love for Spirit.  Love for humanity.  Just share LOVE!
 I'm sorry
     These four simple statements become four incredibly profound expressions of love and service to self and to others.  Easy and effective.  No one ever need to know you are using the Ho’Oponopono to help heal yourself or a relationship.  Dr.  Ihaleakala Hew Len used this method to heal criminally insane patients he had never met.  He read their patient files and performed this healing ritual for each of them.  The results were incredible!
     It is my understanding this healing works regardless of the order of the statements said.  It is more important that we acknowledge each step and use the verbiage to clear the energy connected to it.  The order of the statements matters less than the awareness of  them.
     So, put on your thinking caps and start a list.  Do you have physical issues your need to heal?  How about:  Relationships with others; your finances; your health; your feelings about yourself; your feelings about others;  your prejudices; your anger/hurt/hatred…   Get started now making miracles  happen in your life and allow the ripple effect of your Ho’Oponopono to happen!
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Passion for Peace?

Peace wayne dyerAs each election year approaches, I am fascinated to witness the changes in personality of so many people.  Often, people who seem kind and thoughtful and even generous are… until someone with different political views joins the discussion.  I am amazed and disheartened by those who will  go out of their way to make fun of or put down the other side.  Not the “the other side” but the actual people who represent that other side!  Half of the country has hateful names for Republicans and half of the country has hateful names for Democrats.  And often, those same people, when not talking politics, say they want peace, harmony and all good things.  But if you truly want peace and harmony, how do you get there by bashing another for their political preferences?  How is it okay to demean, dehumanize and demoralize another human being in one breath and then talk about how peace and harmony should reign in another breath?  There is no commonality between the two.

We can’t get to “good” when we keep focusing on the negative.  Whatever the politicians do or don’t do…   We forget that WE – the people – are the ones who can make the difference.  Not by pointing fingers but by coming together with a positive focus and then… we the people, make it happen.

We have become a nation that tolerates it’s ignorance, indifference, insensitivity and it’s inertia! We spend our time pointing fingers at who is responsible for what.  We have lost our focus and what is best for us as a nation.  We’ve let the politicians decide what is in our best interests as fed by the many lobbyists who wine and dine them.  Is that okay with you???  Are you really satisfied with your government choosing your life and lifestyle for you?

     We have the opportunity to join forces as the people of our nation have in the past.  We can turn off the reality shows,  celebrity news and the 24 hr news channels, and turn on our passion for what’s right for our great nation.  We can join together and focus our energy to improve our food supply; improve the health of our people; and restore our faith in our country.  But we will never get there wasting our time, energy and efforts, bashing the other political party, pointing fingers and placing blame.  I believe, we can best move forward by stepping past the political differences and stop focusing on how we got here!  We simply must look beyond the how and why and look forward to what can we do about it?
     When we are looking for positive solutions, the energy toward positive solutions raises.  Raising the energy also raises the awareness and thus raises the passion for it!  Imagine – a passion for PEACE!    Can you just imagine how it will be to live in a country with a passion for peace?! It would bring our nation together to create a better future for ourselves, our children and our grandchildren.  Let’s do it! Let’s clear out the negativity, hatred,  racism and tolerance.  Let’s bring in peace, harmony, understanding and acceptance.
     What great things about our country and it’s people are you passionate about? What are you willing to speak up for?  What are you willing to do to improve our great nation?  And let’s get to it!

worrld peace

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Change My Friends!?!?

84633959afc236bcad8429b8235015adChange My Friends??  But ONE friendship can change your whole world!

This weekend I heard a quote that caused me to pause a moment.  I wrote it down.  It was thought provoking.  I’ve been pondering it all weekend.  “If you can’t change your friends, it’s time to change your friends.”

I am an RN of 25 years who shifted to health & wellness advocate.  My career is health promotion and disease prevention.  I encourage people to take action to clean up their diets and learn to fuel their bodies with quality nutrition.  I educate people about nature and nurture.  I introduce people to holistic and complimentary supplements and modalities which will enhance their health and wellness.  My wish for everyone is the best physical, mental, emotional and spiritual health possible.  Yet, I recognize I am considered an odd ball in my circle of friends and family.  I am often teased and many poke fun at me for my beliefs, my suggestions and my lifestyle.  I am sometimes disappointed when I cannot affect change with/for them.  I am aware some of my friends and family ignore me,  thinking I am just sharing my opinions.  However… I am schooled in nutrition.  I have researched nutritional supplements and holistic methods.  Thirty years ago my opinion was that food only needed to taste good!  Fast forward through degree programs and research and I KNOW for certain, food is fuel!  It is the major ingredient in our physical performance, our mental capabilities and our emotional balance.  No Oreo or Dorito can provide that fuel and we are silly if we think it can or will!

I know people in my circle who don’t want to believe that food is the major player in allowing dis-ease or  promoting good health.  But change friends just because they don’t think the same as I?  Change friends because they smoke or drink or carry around an extra 50 pounds?  Change friends because I can’t influence them enough to want to enhance or improve their health?

Twice I was over 200#.  Once was while pregnant with twins.  I have carried extra weight and yo-yo dieted most of my life.  I understand the addiction to sugar because I lived it.  I attended Carbohydrates Anonymous (which I think is now known as Food Addicts Anonymous).  I was addicted to Diet Pepsi.  I totally understand the issues!  AND…I am a nurse with over 25 years experience in ER, ICU, Home Care and Hospice.  I have seen the affects of drug interactions, recreational drug use, excessive alcohol consumption, smoking, and poor food choices.  We humans want to think food is about “tastes good” rather than “fuels well”.  We want to ignore the connection to what we put in our physical gas tank affects our physical, mental and emotional performance.  Egads… how do we not SEE the connection??  For a long time, I didn’t!  Yet, change my friends because they see things differently?  Wouldn’t that be like changing my friends because they have different religious or political beliefs?  I’m still pondering this….

I asked Damn-Near-Perfect (my husband of nearly 32 years) for his thoughts.  His words of wisdom….”When you surround yourself with people who don’t believe you, don’t “get” you, and don’t want to hear what you have to offer, it hurts your heart and makes you doubt your place on the planet.  When you surround yourself with people who think like you do, you will never again doubt yourself and what you do.  ”   WOW.  WOW.  WOW.

Deep Breath.  A few tears.  And now…..

Changes Ahead!!

Changes next exit

 

 

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Same-Sex-Marriage Causes the Decline of America?

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Why are so many American’s  upset about the Supreme Court Ruling about Same-Sex-Marriage.  If you aren’t Gay… why do you care?  If you stand in your Christian faith, know this….  Absolutely nothing has changed in the Bible. God’s law (or your interpretation of  it) is exactly the same as it was before the ruling. We are still responsible to live as God requests and to teach our children to do the same.  We are still responsible to be kind and considerate.  We are still responsible to be of love and service to our fellow man and spread love and peace throughout the land!

There are many, many, MANY things that are legal but not necessarily Godly and certainly not considered Gods Law.  But just because they are legal, doesn’t mean you have to embrace them and incorporate them into your lifestyle.  Strip clubs are legal.  Pornography is legal.  Alcohol is legal.  Sex out of wedlock is legal.  Having children out of wedlock is legal.  Divorce is legal! Having sex with your married friend is legal.  Gambling is legal.  And now, same-sex-marriage is legal.  Whoop-di-do!  If you don’t like it, join me on the sideline of  “I’m not gonna do that!”
Like all the above, just because they are legal doesn’t mean you have to like them, do them or support them.  And I’m pretty sure this is not the “beginning of the end for America”.  Other countries have already recognized same-sex-marriage and they didn’t implode.  Surprisingly, they haven’t made bestiality legal either (Oh the incredible things people say from fear and intolerance).  And before you spout off about how this nation was built on Christian faith and values, remember this….  our forefathers annihilated the natives of this land and then enslaved millions.  There was nothing Christian in any of that!
In America’s history, there have been several major events which caused division in the nation.  When those events were settled, the decision was sure to cause the decline of America.  The Civil War….  Slaves were freed in 1863…. Women fought for the right to vote for over 50 years….  Prohibition in the 1920’s… Mixed race marriages… I could go on but you get the idea.  Each of these events (and more) have divided this nation.  Yet, none of them have caused it’s demise.  And we need to step back from the ridiculousness of assuming a “law of the land” or “mans law” will ever dominate above all.
As we are being so focused on this human issue at hand, we seem to have forgotten that each of us was a NON-gender spirit (soul) before our entry on the planet and we will again be NON-gender when we leave it.  I am sure  you have noticed, we leave our physical body behind like an old robe.  Do you suppose our souls gather around and speculate on the earthly laws?  I’m thinking our souls look back at the earth and wonder why we wasted so much time focused on limiting one another instead of raising the level of all humanity to love and service for others.
Ponder this….  what if all the energy created in social media against the Supreme Court Ruling had been focused on healing the sick, promoting wellness, feeding the hungry, or saving lives.  Now THAT would be unity vs division.  It would be love and service rather than judgment and condemnation.  It would be Grace rather than intolerance.  It would be miraculous, indeed!
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“UNFRIEND” Means Much More

unfriend

I read a FaceBook post from a young lady who said a close family member had “unfriended” her.  As I pondered this, I was mindful, there are always two sides to every story.  I wondered about the other side of the story.  I don’t remember any of her posts being inappropriate, so I looked through them to see if I missed something.  I had not.  Not one of her posts crossed any type of ethical or moral lines. Not even borderline.  What type of message did the family member intend to send to her and why?

I was recently “unfriended” by a family member.  When I asked about it, they indicated my FB posts were too self serving in nature and they weren’t interested in reading them.  As is the nature with social media, we share our joy and happiness. We share our events, our excitement and our thoughts. Interestingly enough, also available with social media are ways to scroll past the posts you do not want to read.  Similar to the old fashioned way of reading a newspaper or magazine.  If you don’t want to read something… you don’t.  You simply turn the page.  When something on television doesn’t resonate with you, change the channel or turn it off.  FaceBook has this feature where you can scroll past a person’s posts.  OR you can take their posts out of your newsfeed so you don’t even see what they share.  Especially if they are fanatical about politics!  You can turn off notifications as well.  It’s that easy. That is…IF it is truly about the content of their posts that offends you.
Social media is an interesting facet of current times.  People use this platform in many different ways.  Some use it as their political microphone.  Others use it to support and advertise their business.  Many people use it as a way to follow friends and family activities yet never post their own.  Just yesterday I heard two people chatting, never having met until then, indicating they felt they knew each other because of their connections on social media.  For each of us, our intention to use social media may differ.  There is no right or wrong way to use it (illegal, immoral, unethical uses not included).  And for each of us, we have the right and free will to read what we want, scroll past what we choose not to see and seek out what we enjoy reading more about.  When we disagree with another’s viewpoints, we can easily ignore their posts.  Really, it’s just that easy.  Even the political posts!
When we click on the option to “UNFRIEND” we are doing more than limiting our view of their posts/newsfeed.  We are sending a message that cannot be unheard.  We are making a statement TO the individual that goes far beyond social media. Explore your true intention before unfriending someone.  Decide if it is really about the posts or is it something else.  Wouldn’t it be wiser and more helpful to share your thoughts or concerns with the person rather than sending them a message you can never undo.   Is it worth damaging a long term relationship over a social media post?  And if it’s not about the social media platform, then determine what it is really about and work to resolve it.  Life is too short and relationships are too precious to click that button and send the huge message that goes along with it.
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Leland Controversy Becomes Positive

LelandWe recently found ourselves to be at the center of controversy.  It was not necessary nor was it instigated by us.  Nonetheless, there we were.  Right smack-dab in the middle of a news story which by it’s delivery, was meant to stir up the justice-seekers of the community.  Although we knew the truth, we also knew there is always the possibility a good situation can turn ugly just because public opinion calls it so.

We purchased an old historic property.  It was built in the early 1920’s and is situated on a beautiful piece of property by a garden park and a river.  The property was owned by the Five Rivers MetroParks.  My husband has been employed by Five Rivers for nearly 20 years.  This property had been their corporate headquarters for 50 years and was on the market for nearly 2 1/2 years.  It was our understanding there were a lot of lookers but no offers.  There was simply too  much work to be done to either restore it OR to renovate and upgrade it.  It is just a little too far out of the downtown area and not far enough to be in the neighboring towns.  But, we didn’t care about all that.  We have a vision for it and we knew what we could afford, and it wasn’t even half of the asking price.

The issue was two-fold:  the ridiculously low price we paid for it AND that it sold to an employee for that low price.  Although everything was clean, clear, legal, and totally transparent and above reproach, it didn’t matter to those who wanted to stir up controversy.  So, they did.  The claim eluded to favoritism and foul play.  The investigation included scouring through all the public documents about the property, the sale, our backgrounds, and my husbands personnel record of nearly 20 years.  It was not pleasant.  Every day there were updates about the investigation.  There was the phone interview and my awareness that anything can be taken out of context and misconstrued for sensationalism.  All the while, I know the purchase followed the Ohio Revised Code for government owned real estate sales.  And when the MetroPark was concerned they had missed something relatively small, they started the whole process over again by posting the property for sale in the Public Notice Section as well as holding another Open House for the public.  I was in a bit of a twit about it all.  I knew our offer was low.  Anyone in the whole, wide, world could come in with a higher offer and walk away with it.  I prayed, as I always do, that IF this is the right purchase for us, that it be made easy and effortless.  And we got it.  We closed months later than expected and lost a lot of good weather time to work on the exterior.  A few days after the closing, we received notification from the City indicating the exterior did not meet standards and needed immediate attention, or else!  That was our Welcome to the City!

When the news investigation began in January, we had barely started working on the building. And we were all too aware of the  watchful eyes to our comings and goings.  And then the news….  First it was on the local news without our names but clearly indicating this was an inappropriate sale.  Then the next day came the newspaper article with personal information being published, which was totally unrelated to the sale.  Then came my personal interview and tour of the property, which I offered up.  Why?  Because, it was my prayer that the Angels shine the light on the harmony and transparency of this transaction and to allow this to be a positive publicity event for the Leland Center.  You see, our vision for the Leland extends far beyond us.  It is our hope to provide the community with holistic services, access to workshops and events which are not currently available in the area, AND we have a vision to have a non-profit arm of the business which will provide complimentary therapies to Veterans and our active military especially those suffering with PTSD.  The final news piece has become exactly what we prayed for.  It was done well, with integrity and exemplifies our vision of the Leland House as well as became positive publicity for the Leland.  There will be more written about this journey.  We are eager to share!

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Do you Hear Through Your History?

 Kids-upset-at-each-otherRecently, while working with a teenage client, she shared a text conversation that was pertinent to the event she was processing.  As she read her part of the text conversation aloud, she used a calm, soft voice and displayed a sincere demeanor.  While reading the other person’s texts in the conversation, her voice was filled with attitude and her demeanor was condescending and rude.  I found it intriguing how she was using voice inflections and intonations as well as other non-verbals to communicate in a conversation that clearly has none of those as options.  When I questioned her about it, she was startled.  She didn’t realize she was doing it at first.  As we discussed it, she stated, “But that’s how she talks to me when she’s mad”.  The text conversation did not indicate that the other was annoyed or angry.  In further exploration, we discovered she was assuming how the other would be speaking.

     In my practice I always recommend conversations around deep or serious topics occur in person or by phone (if you cannot do it in person).  In person, you can see, sense and experience the conversation and leave nothing to interpretation.  You can ask clarifying questions.  You have the full focus and attention of the person you are communicating with (yes….insist on it!)  And it makes it more difficult for you, the listener, to hear the other through your own history.
     Hearing through your history limits the brilliance of the other’s message to you.  It means you are filtering their words through what you surmise they mean.  When we “think” we know what they mean we are guessing which means we are hearing through our history and not hearing clearly.  The brilliance (and yes I mean, the excellence of or the magnificence of their message) is lost on you.  You miss it because you are hearing from your own experiences and beliefs.
     The text conversation my client shared was a fabulous example.   Because she was hearing through her history, she was missing that her friend was actually sharing her desire to return to the friendship they once shared.  Her friend was literally opening herself up, being vulnerable, and hoping to reconnect.  My young client was wishing for the same.  However, her past hurts had accumulated to such a degree she was hearing only complaints and attacks.  She couldn’t hear the vulnerability and hope her friend was expressing.  I asked her if I could read the messages out loud to her with a different perspective.  She allowed me.  When I was finished… she cried.  We read the same words…. one was heard through her history.  The other was heard from an open heart.
     Hear with an open heart and you will hear love and compassion.  Hear through your history and you will hear…… your history!
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Passion or Politics

political yin yang
As each election year approaches, I am fascinated to witness the changes in personality of so many people.  Some people seem kind and thoughtful and even generous until someone with different political views joins the discussion.  Some people with differing political views go out of their way to make fun of or put down the other side.  Half of the country has hateful names for Republicans and half of the country has hateful names for Democrats.  And often, those same people, when not talking politics, say they want peace, hamony and all good things.  But if you truly want peace and harmony, how do you get there by bashing another for their political preferences?  How is it okay to demean, dehumanize and demoralize another human being in one breath and then talk about how peace and harmony should reign in another. There is no commonality between the two.
We can’t get to “good” when we keep focusing on the negative the politicians do and forget that WE – the people – are the ones who can make the difference.  Not by pointing fingers but by coming together with a positive focus and then, we the people, make it happen.  We have become a nation that tolerates it’s ignorance, indifference, insensitivity and it’s inertia!  We spend our time pointing fingers at who is responsible for what.  We have lost our focus and what is best for us as a nation.  We’ve let the politicians decide our best interests as fed by the many lobbyists who wine and dine them.
We have the opportunity to join forces as the people of our nation have in the past.  We can turn off the reality shows, and the celebrity news, and turn on our passion for what’s right for our great nation.  We can join together and focus our energy to improve our food supply; improve the health of our people; and restore our faith in our country.  But we will never get there wasting our time, energy and efforts, bashing the other political party, pointing fingers and placing blame.  I believe, we can best move forward by stepping past the political differences and looking beyond how we got here.  And bring our nation together to create a better future for ourselves, our children and our grandchildren.
What great things about our country and it’s people are you passionate about?  What are you willing to speak up for?  What are you willing to do to improve our great nation?  And let’s get to it!
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Stop Saying Sorry ??

Pantene Sorry 

(Click the words above to see the commercial)

Pantene’s new TV commercial tells us to “stop being sorry!”  Their message is that we say “sorry”  too often and it’s become useless verbiage.  They tell us to “Be Strong and Shine”. Indicating that we are weak when we say “sorry”.

Overused and meaningless? Is it?  I was disappointed when I saw the commercial.  In a society where we are already divided by race and religion (one only has to observe people for a short time to know this remains true), now we are suggesting common courtesy is overrated?  I think NOT!

Since I first saw the commercial, I have been paying closer attention to my use of “sorry” and I’ve been more watchful of how others use it too.  What an interesting study and so far I’m pleased to report the results have been perfectly positive.

While on a crowded dance floor, I heard many renditions of “sorry” as dancers bumped others.  Even with a language barrier, there is no mistaking the acknowledgement of “ooops I didn’t mean to bump you”.  There were smiles of acknowledgement and acceptance and returns of the apology.  In the airport, I again witnessed multiple uses of “sorry” as luggage trailed in the wake of travelers and often got in the way of others.  And when carry on bags bump passengers already seated, the acknowledgement of that bump is greatly appreciated.  I could go on and on.  The words, “I’m sorry”, can be used to mean so much more than just “oops” too.   A malpractice attorney once told me that so many medical malpractice lawsuits could be resolved or avoided initially if there had just been an apology!  And then there is the driving experience!  How many ways can we say “sorry “to other drivers while in a moving vehicle with windows closed.  Many times a simple head nod acknowledges and resolves.

It is in our recognition of others as human beings that we acknowledge their existence and their place to BE.  Apologies let the receiver know they matter…they have value! When we say we are sorry, we are stronger than ever.  Why?  Because it means we have let down our defenses, reduced our offenses,  and chose to recognize and acknowledge another.  The choice to honor and recognize another is from strength.  So yes, be strong and shine.  But stop saying sorry?  NEVER!!

How do you say, “I’m sorry!”

 

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The Plane Mom

Plane at Sunrise

“People watching” is one of my favorite things to do.  And airports are a fabulous place to watch and study humans.  I watch their interactions and the dynamics between people.  I am often amused and never hide that I am watching.  I smile.  I engage with people from all walks of life and in any situation. No, I don’t want to have a real conversation with them.  I just like to acknowledge them.  But, early Monday morning flights have a lot of business travelers so I expected today would be a less than exciting people watching episode. 

I was wrong.  As I picked up a book to read, I was quickly distracted by the activity to my left.  There were several roller derby team members having an animated conversation. They were fun to watch. (I recognized them from the convention center.  I was upstairs at a conference while the roller derby and an Exotica convention shared the lower level.)   I observed over a dozen different people, all sitting in different areas near the gate, completely engrossed in their phone conversations, hand held devices, or daydreaming nearly miss their place because they weren’t paying attention.  Others for the same plane were late because they were in line at the café.  The next 3 flights that left the gate area had the same issues.  People strolling along as if the plan will wait for them.  Some annoyed when it didn’t. 

I see happy people, angry people, and others who intrigue me for some random reason.    As always, I was amused and appalled at the clothing choices for the day.  From pajamas to…well …some Erotica people were at the airport too. Finally, it’s time for our plane to board.  There are people chatting.  There are squeals from the little children.  Lots of activity so I am happy to be observing.   As I was getting settled in my aisle seat, the line of passengers continue streaming past.  Sometimes their conversations carry on as they walk past and what bits and pieces I hear often make me smile.  The flight attendant announces the flight is full and every seat will be taken.  The young man standing next to me begins swearing and out comes a stream of cussing with anti-Semitic, homo-phobic, inappropriate verbiage that shocked me.  It made his 3-4 companions behind him laugh out loud.  Really??  Four F-bombs just because the plane is full?  He is standing right beside me and he cannot go anywhere yet. My mouth engaged before I could stop myself.    It went like this….  “Hey!  Soap and water would be a nice remedy for that dirty mouth!  We have free speech in this country, but we also have common decency and it seems to be lacking in your commentary.”  I paused…heart pounding…but ever so aware he can’t possible have a gun!  Right?  We’re in an airplane!  Then, the finale (where does this stuff come from??)    “And just a side note…. Psychologists say that those most vocal about gay’s have latent tendencies to be so….. Just sayin!”  As I looked at his friends who are now passing by, “Just be aware boys…be aware!”.    You could hear the snickering.  From the “boys” and from the fellow passengers.  Several applauded.  One man nudges me in the arm and says, “Wow, I want you on my side!”  Another looked dazed and asked what had sparked the kid’s rant in the first place.   A woman in the row behind me thanked me.  And later, one of the flight attendants came by to find out who the woman was that the group of young men had dubbed “The Plane Mom”. 

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