BarbetteSpitler.com

Holistic Health & Wellness Coach

Passion for Peace?

Peace wayne dyerAs each election year approaches, I am fascinated to witness the changes in personality of so many people.  Often, people who seem kind and thoughtful and even generous are… until someone with different political views joins the discussion.  I am amazed and disheartened by those who will  go out of their way to make fun of or put down the other side.  Not the “the other side” but the actual people who represent that other side!  Half of the country has hateful names for Republicans and half of the country has hateful names for Democrats.  And often, those same people, when not talking politics, say they want peace, harmony and all good things.  But if you truly want peace and harmony, how do you get there by bashing another for their political preferences?  How is it okay to demean, dehumanize and demoralize another human being in one breath and then talk about how peace and harmony should reign in another breath?  There is no commonality between the two.

We can’t get to “good” when we keep focusing on the negative.  Whatever the politicians do or don’t do…   We forget that WE – the people – are the ones who can make the difference.  Not by pointing fingers but by coming together with a positive focus and then… we the people, make it happen.

We have become a nation that tolerates it’s ignorance, indifference, insensitivity and it’s inertia! We spend our time pointing fingers at who is responsible for what.  We have lost our focus and what is best for us as a nation.  We’ve let the politicians decide what is in our best interests as fed by the many lobbyists who wine and dine them.  Is that okay with you???  Are you really satisfied with your government choosing your life and lifestyle for you?

     We have the opportunity to join forces as the people of our nation have in the past.  We can turn off the reality shows,  celebrity news and the 24 hr news channels, and turn on our passion for what’s right for our great nation.  We can join together and focus our energy to improve our food supply; improve the health of our people; and restore our faith in our country.  But we will never get there wasting our time, energy and efforts, bashing the other political party, pointing fingers and placing blame.  I believe, we can best move forward by stepping past the political differences and stop focusing on how we got here!  We simply must look beyond the how and why and look forward to what can we do about it?
     When we are looking for positive solutions, the energy toward positive solutions raises.  Raising the energy also raises the awareness and thus raises the passion for it!  Imagine – a passion for PEACE!    Can you just imagine how it will be to live in a country with a passion for peace?! It would bring our nation together to create a better future for ourselves, our children and our grandchildren.  Let’s do it! Let’s clear out the negativity, hatred,  racism and tolerance.  Let’s bring in peace, harmony, understanding and acceptance.
     What great things about our country and it’s people are you passionate about? What are you willing to speak up for?  What are you willing to do to improve our great nation?  And let’s get to it!

worrld peace

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When People Show You Who They Are…..

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Many years ago, I was in the front row to hear Maya Angelou!  Her words of wisdom were profound and her presentation was delightful, thought provoking and…. for me… quite moving.  She said some things that the audience found humorous and other statements that were met with the silence of significant thought.   Other bits of wisdom were met with quiet conversations and remarks spoken in whispers.

One of her famous quotes came after she told a story.  The story ended with her looking out into the audience and stating, “When people show you who they are, believe them the first time.”   I remember thinking to myself…”Well, that’s not fair!  People can change.”  I am one of those people!  I was an unhappy teenager.  I was angry about a multitude of things and was quite sure my entire future was doomed to be filled with continued trauma and drama.  But, I changed.  I changed my attitude, my perspective and my outlook and everything improved!  Because it happened for me, I believe everyone wants to be happy and everyone will look for a pathway to make it so.  Right??  Doesn’t everyone desire to be happy?  Isn’t everyone willing to make changes to achieve a greater level of happiness??

Over the years after the event, I looked over my notes often.  I agreed with her on every level and every point, except that one statement.  I always believed people can and want to improve their life and their outlook.  I had a fundamental belief that no one truly wants to hurt or harm another.  I believed it is our responsibility to and for others, to believe they can change and to support them as they do.  It’s part of the reason I became a Health & Wellness Life Coach…. to assist those who are ready and willing and to provide the tools to make it easier and more efficient to find and keep a positive perspective.

Recently, I’ve revisited this pearl of wisdom from Maya.  I’ve had to make a few changes to my belief system.  I recognize that everyone can improve and have a metamorphosis which leads them to create a life of wonder and happiness and joy.  I also recognize, for many people, it’s easier to blame others, complain and stay right where they are!  And finally, I’ve had to realize that there are those who will give lip service to all the “right” things and their actions tell quite the different story.  Actions speak LOUDER than words ever will.  When the actions are not in alignment with the verbiage – listen to the actions/behavior.  What people do and how they do it is more expressive of their intention than their words.

When people show you who they are, do you believe them the first time? Do you allow for the possibility they may change and become  more focused on love and service to others rather than self-service.  Or do you take your first impression of them and assign it to them permanently?  Do you believe people can change and improve?

I think we have to be mindful of what people show us and allow for it to improve.  But don’t assume it will  …. and don’t be disappointed when they show you who they really are!  We all have free will and get to choose our attitude and behaviors.  We can’t be disappointed if we have no expectation of another person’s way of being.  Thus we cannot be disappointed when someone shows us who they really are….

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Same-Sex-Marriage Causes the Decline of America?

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Why are so many American’s  upset about the Supreme Court Ruling about Same-Sex-Marriage.  If you aren’t Gay… why do you care?  If you stand in your Christian faith, know this….  Absolutely nothing has changed in the Bible. God’s law (or your interpretation of  it) is exactly the same as it was before the ruling. We are still responsible to live as God requests and to teach our children to do the same.  We are still responsible to be kind and considerate.  We are still responsible to be of love and service to our fellow man and spread love and peace throughout the land!

There are many, many, MANY things that are legal but not necessarily Godly and certainly not considered Gods Law.  But just because they are legal, doesn’t mean you have to embrace them and incorporate them into your lifestyle.  Strip clubs are legal.  Pornography is legal.  Alcohol is legal.  Sex out of wedlock is legal.  Having children out of wedlock is legal.  Divorce is legal! Having sex with your married friend is legal.  Gambling is legal.  And now, same-sex-marriage is legal.  Whoop-di-do!  If you don’t like it, join me on the sideline of  “I’m not gonna do that!”
Like all the above, just because they are legal doesn’t mean you have to like them, do them or support them.  And I’m pretty sure this is not the “beginning of the end for America”.  Other countries have already recognized same-sex-marriage and they didn’t implode.  Surprisingly, they haven’t made bestiality legal either (Oh the incredible things people say from fear and intolerance).  And before you spout off about how this nation was built on Christian faith and values, remember this….  our forefathers annihilated the natives of this land and then enslaved millions.  There was nothing Christian in any of that!
In America’s history, there have been several major events which caused division in the nation.  When those events were settled, the decision was sure to cause the decline of America.  The Civil War….  Slaves were freed in 1863…. Women fought for the right to vote for over 50 years….  Prohibition in the 1920’s… Mixed race marriages… I could go on but you get the idea.  Each of these events (and more) have divided this nation.  Yet, none of them have caused it’s demise.  And we need to step back from the ridiculousness of assuming a “law of the land” or “mans law” will ever dominate above all.
As we are being so focused on this human issue at hand, we seem to have forgotten that each of us was a NON-gender spirit (soul) before our entry on the planet and we will again be NON-gender when we leave it.  I am sure  you have noticed, we leave our physical body behind like an old robe.  Do you suppose our souls gather around and speculate on the earthly laws?  I’m thinking our souls look back at the earth and wonder why we wasted so much time focused on limiting one another instead of raising the level of all humanity to love and service for others.
Ponder this….  what if all the energy created in social media against the Supreme Court Ruling had been focused on healing the sick, promoting wellness, feeding the hungry, or saving lives.  Now THAT would be unity vs division.  It would be love and service rather than judgment and condemnation.  It would be Grace rather than intolerance.  It would be miraculous, indeed!
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Do you Hear Through Your History?

 Kids-upset-at-each-otherRecently, while working with a teenage client, she shared a text conversation that was pertinent to the event she was processing.  As she read her part of the text conversation aloud, she used a calm, soft voice and displayed a sincere demeanor.  While reading the other person’s texts in the conversation, her voice was filled with attitude and her demeanor was condescending and rude.  I found it intriguing how she was using voice inflections and intonations as well as other non-verbals to communicate in a conversation that clearly has none of those as options.  When I questioned her about it, she was startled.  She didn’t realize she was doing it at first.  As we discussed it, she stated, “But that’s how she talks to me when she’s mad”.  The text conversation did not indicate that the other was annoyed or angry.  In further exploration, we discovered she was assuming how the other would be speaking.

     In my practice I always recommend conversations around deep or serious topics occur in person or by phone (if you cannot do it in person).  In person, you can see, sense and experience the conversation and leave nothing to interpretation.  You can ask clarifying questions.  You have the full focus and attention of the person you are communicating with (yes….insist on it!)  And it makes it more difficult for you, the listener, to hear the other through your own history.
     Hearing through your history limits the brilliance of the other’s message to you.  It means you are filtering their words through what you surmise they mean.  When we “think” we know what they mean we are guessing which means we are hearing through our history and not hearing clearly.  The brilliance (and yes I mean, the excellence of or the magnificence of their message) is lost on you.  You miss it because you are hearing from your own experiences and beliefs.
     The text conversation my client shared was a fabulous example.   Because she was hearing through her history, she was missing that her friend was actually sharing her desire to return to the friendship they once shared.  Her friend was literally opening herself up, being vulnerable, and hoping to reconnect.  My young client was wishing for the same.  However, her past hurts had accumulated to such a degree she was hearing only complaints and attacks.  She couldn’t hear the vulnerability and hope her friend was expressing.  I asked her if I could read the messages out loud to her with a different perspective.  She allowed me.  When I was finished… she cried.  We read the same words…. one was heard through her history.  The other was heard from an open heart.
     Hear with an open heart and you will hear love and compassion.  Hear through your history and you will hear…… your history!
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Passion or Politics

political yin yang
As each election year approaches, I am fascinated to witness the changes in personality of so many people.  Some people seem kind and thoughtful and even generous until someone with different political views joins the discussion.  Some people with differing political views go out of their way to make fun of or put down the other side.  Half of the country has hateful names for Republicans and half of the country has hateful names for Democrats.  And often, those same people, when not talking politics, say they want peace, hamony and all good things.  But if you truly want peace and harmony, how do you get there by bashing another for their political preferences?  How is it okay to demean, dehumanize and demoralize another human being in one breath and then talk about how peace and harmony should reign in another. There is no commonality between the two.
We can’t get to “good” when we keep focusing on the negative the politicians do and forget that WE – the people – are the ones who can make the difference.  Not by pointing fingers but by coming together with a positive focus and then, we the people, make it happen.  We have become a nation that tolerates it’s ignorance, indifference, insensitivity and it’s inertia!  We spend our time pointing fingers at who is responsible for what.  We have lost our focus and what is best for us as a nation.  We’ve let the politicians decide our best interests as fed by the many lobbyists who wine and dine them.
We have the opportunity to join forces as the people of our nation have in the past.  We can turn off the reality shows, and the celebrity news, and turn on our passion for what’s right for our great nation.  We can join together and focus our energy to improve our food supply; improve the health of our people; and restore our faith in our country.  But we will never get there wasting our time, energy and efforts, bashing the other political party, pointing fingers and placing blame.  I believe, we can best move forward by stepping past the political differences and looking beyond how we got here.  And bring our nation together to create a better future for ourselves, our children and our grandchildren.
What great things about our country and it’s people are you passionate about?  What are you willing to speak up for?  What are you willing to do to improve our great nation?  And let’s get to it!
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The Plane Mom

Plane at Sunrise

“People watching” is one of my favorite things to do.  And airports are a fabulous place to watch and study humans.  I watch their interactions and the dynamics between people.  I am often amused and never hide that I am watching.  I smile.  I engage with people from all walks of life and in any situation. No, I don’t want to have a real conversation with them.  I just like to acknowledge them.  But, early Monday morning flights have a lot of business travelers so I expected today would be a less than exciting people watching episode. 

I was wrong.  As I picked up a book to read, I was quickly distracted by the activity to my left.  There were several roller derby team members having an animated conversation. They were fun to watch. (I recognized them from the convention center.  I was upstairs at a conference while the roller derby and an Exotica convention shared the lower level.)   I observed over a dozen different people, all sitting in different areas near the gate, completely engrossed in their phone conversations, hand held devices, or daydreaming nearly miss their place because they weren’t paying attention.  Others for the same plane were late because they were in line at the café.  The next 3 flights that left the gate area had the same issues.  People strolling along as if the plan will wait for them.  Some annoyed when it didn’t. 

I see happy people, angry people, and others who intrigue me for some random reason.    As always, I was amused and appalled at the clothing choices for the day.  From pajamas to…well …some Erotica people were at the airport too. Finally, it’s time for our plane to board.  There are people chatting.  There are squeals from the little children.  Lots of activity so I am happy to be observing.   As I was getting settled in my aisle seat, the line of passengers continue streaming past.  Sometimes their conversations carry on as they walk past and what bits and pieces I hear often make me smile.  The flight attendant announces the flight is full and every seat will be taken.  The young man standing next to me begins swearing and out comes a stream of cussing with anti-Semitic, homo-phobic, inappropriate verbiage that shocked me.  It made his 3-4 companions behind him laugh out loud.  Really??  Four F-bombs just because the plane is full?  He is standing right beside me and he cannot go anywhere yet. My mouth engaged before I could stop myself.    It went like this….  “Hey!  Soap and water would be a nice remedy for that dirty mouth!  We have free speech in this country, but we also have common decency and it seems to be lacking in your commentary.”  I paused…heart pounding…but ever so aware he can’t possible have a gun!  Right?  We’re in an airplane!  Then, the finale (where does this stuff come from??)    “And just a side note…. Psychologists say that those most vocal about gay’s have latent tendencies to be so….. Just sayin!”  As I looked at his friends who are now passing by, “Just be aware boys…be aware!”.    You could hear the snickering.  From the “boys” and from the fellow passengers.  Several applauded.  One man nudges me in the arm and says, “Wow, I want you on my side!”  Another looked dazed and asked what had sparked the kid’s rant in the first place.   A woman in the row behind me thanked me.  And later, one of the flight attendants came by to find out who the woman was that the group of young men had dubbed “The Plane Mom”. 

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