BarbetteSpitler.com

Holistic Health & Wellness Coach

A Daughter’s Grace

    spiritual-transforamtion Yesterday I received a text from a young girl whose father was in hospice care.  She asked for help understanding the death process of both the physical body and his spirit.  Hospice had provided her with a book on physical changes she would notice and how to respond as the body prepares for death.  She said she was wholly unprepared for how to handle the spiritual aspect.
     Her questions were deep and profound.  She wanted to support his spiritual needs as much as his physical needs.  Yet, there wasn’t adequate information on what those spiritual needs might be.  She said, “They didn’t give me a book about this!”  She wondered if there is a proper way to say goodbye.  She asked if he would know whether she was there beside his physical body or if she was praying for him from home.  She asked if the atmosphere in the house would affect him (the loud TV and all the noise and activity was a lot for her to handle too.) So many questions….
     I’ve been a nurse for over 25 years.  I’ve spent a lot of time with dying people both in the hospital and in their homes.  I found great joy in working with hospice patients and their families.  It’s the most difficult time for a family, sending a loved one off to the spirit world.  One thing I know for sure, each death transition is different in the circumstances leading up to it, the people involved, and their reaction to it. There is no one right way to do this.  There are a lot of things to do that are well received.  And there are plenty of things that are not well received.  So many variables!
     Once I determined what her expectations were for herself during this process it was easier to guide her.  She wrote notes from our conversation and implemented the to-do list that evening.  She had a beautiful, loving (though one-sided) conversation with her father.  The house was calm and peaceful and she knew he was resting easier.  When she left him this morning, she was at peace, too.
     This evening she received a call from the hospice nurse indicating his transition could be in the next 24-36 hours.  She was confused about what to do.  She felt badly because she was trying to figure out whether to go to his bedside again (hours away) or go to sleep and potentially go to work in the morning.  She said, “I need someone to walk me through this because I don’t know what I’m supposed to do.  How am I supposed to know what’s the right thing to do?”
     Tonight’s conversation was quite different.  During our conversation we discussed how to talk to his non-physical presence, his soul.  She asked for a visual.  “How does that look?”  I asked for her angels to help me with what visual would be best for her. As I described the beautiful visual of colors her angels showed me, she was able to finish the description as she was seeing it herself!  Beautiful!  Amazing!  Perfect!  I had chills!  I was in awe!
     She asked one final question.  “What else do I need to do to help him?”  After our conversation yesterday, I had asked her angels that very question.  I wanted to be prepared in case she asked.  She did!  I gave her the information about forgiveness that her angels had shared with me.  I knew she would understand the message even though I didn’t.  It was not my message…I was just the messenger!  She asked a few clarifying questions and then said, “Oh, I get it….I know what they mean.   So, I just need to let him know that’s been taken care of.  I will do that now!”  And she did.  She was able to receive the guidance she needed.  She was able to process the forgiveness herself immediately!  And with a visual that was clear and beautiful, and easy to recall.
     Our entire phone conversation was just under 12 minutes.  Exactly 2 minutes after our call ended, my phone rang again.  I was surprised to see it was her calling again. She said that as soon as we hung up, her phone rang.  The hospice nurse had called to say her father had died…transition complete.  We both knew immediately… the vision we had both seen was of her forgiven father making his transition to spirit.  We both were in awe and wonder!  What a gift for both of us!  This young girl had an amazing spiritual experience tonight that will remain with her forever.  She said it was BEAUTIFUL! She was so pleased!  I was so honored to be with her at that time.  Though we were physically 1,000 miles apart, we were together on that phone and our spirits were in alignment with her father.  What an incredible blessing!
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Brittany Maynard and Lauren Hill. Same direction… two very different paths… Live it or Leave it?

Lauren Hill, 19.  Also diagnosed with terminal brain cancer

Lauren Hill, 19. Also diagnosed with terminal brain cancer

Brittany Maynard, 29 diagnosed with terminal brain cancer

Brittany Maynard, 29 diagnosed with terminal brain cancer

By now you’ve heard about Brittany Maynard.  She is the 29 year old woman who was diagnosed with terminal brain cancer.  She moved to a state that allows for Death with Dignity, a legal form of assisted suicide.  She created a bucket list of wishes and scheduled her departure date.  She was determined to end the journey before a possible massive stroke or other complications could erupt.  Although there was no promise of these complications, she didn’t want to experience them or have her family witness them. She checked off the items on her bucket list and did so with gusto and dignity!   She completed her death this past weekend.   She chose to leave it when the timing was right for her.  She prepared herself and her family.  She planned for it.  She chose when and how and did it on her terms.

Have you also heard about Lauren Hill?  She is a 19 year old Cincinnati woman who was also diagnosed with terminal brain cancer.  She is progressing such that her dream of playing college basketball (she is on the team with first game only weeks away) was literally disappearing with each passing week.  Her coordination is affected such that she can no longer dribble the ball well.  Her right arm doesn’t always follow her commands making it more difficult to shoot baskets.  It is expected she will be unable to play basketball by the time the season officially starts.
Lauren chose to live it.  To make the best of life every day she has yet to live.  A few weeks ago the NCAA granted special permission to allow an early game so Lauren could live her dream and play college basketball before she dies.  A death she knows is soon.  A death she knows could be clouded with complications. A death she knows could be painful.  Complications or no, the journey will still be short.  She isn’t focused on what difficulties could await her.  She chose instead to focus on the here and now and enjoy every moment as if it could be her last.  There are times when Lauren is so weak she cannot stand, let alone run.  Yet, she is present and engaged in the process of living.
I have been at the beside of many people as they lay dying.  Death and dying is the focus for a hospice nurse.  And during my years as an emergency room nurse, I saw death experiences from car accidents and shootings to overdoses and massive heart attacks.  Dying is something every single one of us must look forward to.  It will happen…there is no way around it!  Yet, so many of us don’t want to think about it.  Or worse, we don’t plan for it.
Both of these young women were delivered a diagnosis none of us ever want to hear, terminal, inoperable, unfixable, brain cancer.  Both of them chose how they wanted to live out their remaining days on earth.  Both of them brought their journey public and both of them allowed us to experience a wee bit of their journey with them. Isn’t it interesting their journeys paralleled in many ways yet they chose opposite endings for their life’s song.   Do you know which you would choose if this became the next chapter in your book of life?
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Beautiful Aunt Bonnie

12488_10152613160828833_5857682271535379778_nToday my Aunt Bonnie passed over.  She was one of my favorite people.  Why?  Because she was one of those people would had “it all” but was always able to “keep it real”.  She would share her experiences about all the countries she’d visited as if she was talking about going to a movie.  She had no false sense of self.  She put on no airs.  And she was a great grounding agent for anyone who did.  She knew what was important was how we love and serve each other.   She lived a great life and had already shared with her family that she was ready to let go.

I had this vision of her this morning.  She was surrounded by her family here on earth as her soul ascended.  She was greeted by her Spirit family as she arrived in the Spiritual realm.  I saw her parents, her sister, my father, and all her beloved Boston Terriers who have been her companions for all the years I’ve known her.  They were all there to greet her and she was so happy and felt such immense love and peace.  As she looked back at her family, she knew they would be fine as they continue on without her presence on earth.  I was awed at her sense of peace and joy at being back in her Spiritual home.  It was a beautiful vision and it allowed me to stop grieving and instead be filled with joy for her.

I have spent a lot of time today reflecting on the many years I’ve known Aunt Bonnie and Uncle George and the many stories we have of our families sharing events and celebrations. There are so many stories.  All of them make me smile as I remember.  I’ve also reflected on the memories of my father and how I miss his presence.  He and Aunt Bonnie shared a special fondness for each other.  They got along  very well and considered themselves a part of a special clan known as “MTB’s” aka, Married to Bogumills (my mother’s siblings).  They, along with the other MTB”s, were a hoot when gathered together.  It was as if they had an understanding like no other because of their connection to the Bogumill family.

My Dad had a very difficult childhood.  He and his siblings have shared some childhood stories that made me weepy.  However, for as many years as I can remember,  Dad would say, “If I died today, I’d die a happy man”.  It always made me smile.  It usually came after a special event, or a family discussion, or just a quiet evening with his grandchildren.  He seemed to purposefully want to point out that he was pleased.  Dad’s statement confirmed for us that he was happy with his life and how it was progressing.  He seldom ever looked back at his childhood.  He stayed present and he was grateful for his life.   Later, when he became ill, he reminded us that each of us will die from this lifetime and be returned back to Spirit.  One day, while just he and I were chatting, he reminded me of how often he had said, “If I died today, I’d die a happy man.”  He wanted to make sure I knew he still meant it.  I believe Aunt Bonnie would have shared the same sentiment about her life.  She seemed so happy and grateful and thankful.  And I believe she died a happy human.

If you died today, would you die a happy human?  Take just a moment to reflect upon your life and life purpose.  Have you yet made a positive impact on this planet?  Did you participate in something helpful or healing to others? Do you know your life purpose?  Can you truly say this has been a life well lived?  If not, what are you going to change…..  and when?

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